Boy learns how to apologize in wise, relatable empathy tale.
Parents Need to Know
Why Age 3+?
Any Positive Content?
Violence & Scariness
very little
Jack kicks over a castle made of blocks, but the action is only talked about, not shown in the story. A picture on the back of the book shows the aftermath of the knocking down, with some blocks scattered on the ground, Jack walking away mad, and Zoe standing over her castle looking shocked. Text on the page reads: "There's more to an apology than saying 'I'M SORRY." Two other characters, boys named Ben and Jeremy, roughhouse with each other when the students are in line and in a scene in the lunchroom.
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"There's more to an apology than saying 'I'M SORRY." When you do something that hurts someone else, or causes them distress, admit what you did, say you're sorry, and offer to help. Playing in castles isn't "just for girls."
Positive Role Models
a lot
Jack's teacher Ms. Rice is kind and encouraging, and guides Jack to deliver a "real apology." Jack is mad for most of the day but with Ms. Rice's help, he comes to understand why he acted out and knocked down Zoe's castle, and ultimately offers her a sincere apology. In that sense he models sorting out his feelings, making amends, and healing a rupture in his friendship with Zoe. For her part, Zoe doesn't hold a grudge, accepts Jack's apology, and is willing to put the incident behind them so they can play together.
Educational Value
a lot
Lists the three elements of a "real apology" says: "1. What I did. 2. That I'm sorry. 3. And I'll help you fix it."
Diverse Representations
a lot
The kids' classroom is diverse, with a variety of skin shades and hair types. Jack and Zoe appear to be kids of color with dark brown to black hair and different non-White skin tones. Jack's male classmates mock him, saying him that playing with castles are "just for girls," which makes Jack mad and he later realizes that's why he knocked Zoe's castle down, because he wished he could have played in her castle. Illustrator Julie Kwon is Korean American. Kyle Lukoff is a Stonewall Award-winning transgender author.
Parents need to know that Kyle Lukoff's I'm Sorry You Got Mad is a picture book that deal's with jumbled-up, conflicted feelings and lays out the elements of a "real apology." Julie Kwon's cartoon-like illustrations vividly portray a range of feelings that erupt after a classroom incident and then linger over the course of a young boy's school day as he sorts them out with the help of his kind, understanding teacher. Without ever being preachy, it's a road map to resolving conflict and healing temporary hurts.
Jack knocks down his classmate Zoe's castle made of blocks but remains furious as his teacher, Ms. Rice, insists he write Zoe an apology note. His first few tries basically say I'M SORRY YOU GOT MAD. That doesn't cut it with Ms. Rice, so Jack keeps trying, red-faced and frustrated, crumpling up each note Ms. Rice corrects and painting his feelings in bright red paint. Ms. Rice gently guides him toward a "real" apology, where you acknowledge what you did, say you're sorry, and offer to help make up for what you did. Jack finally gets there, and along the way learns a lot about his own feelings and comes to understand Zoe's, as well.
This apology how-to is true to life and dissects kids' intense hurt feelings that cause them to act out. I'm Sorry You Got Mad accomplishes all this in a relatable classroom tale with adorable, vulnerable characters, a wise, compassionate teacher, and a valuable lesson in conflict resolution that's tinged with humor and not heavy-handed. Feel free to follow Ms. Rice's advice at home, in the workplace, or in your adult relationships. It's definitely not for kids only!
Talk to Your Kids About ...
Families can talk about anger and how it's expressed in I'm Sorry You Got Mad. Have you ever gotten really mad at a friend or classmate? How did you deal with your feelings? How did the two of you get past the hurt you felt?
Why is it hard to apologize when you've done something wrong or hurtful? Do you think writing a note of apology would help make things better? Is saying it out loud just as good, so long as you really mean it?
How does considering how the other person feels help you understand why they're mad at you? Why is empathy an important character strength?
Research shows a connection between kids' healthy self-esteem and positive portrayals in media. That's why we've added a new "Diverse Representations" section to our reviews that will be rolling out on an ongoing basis. You can help us help kids by
suggesting a diversity update.
Common Sense Media's unbiased ratings are created by expert reviewers and aren't influenced by the product's creators or by any of our funders, affiliates, or partners.